Attention Filipinas - 21 Warning Signs He’s Abusive
Posted on February 27, 2008
Filed Under Long Distance Relationships |
Recently I wrote about the Philippine Hospital Scam/ Hoax and the guy behind it and I felt his strategy to destroy a Filipina, Her employer, a respected hospital and others was simply evil.
Some of my readers questioned me on the language I used in describing him. Like evil, mentally ill, and deceptive. I didn’t mind them bringing it up because I knew in due time he would prove me right.
He was conspiring the whole time to make my look good and I appreciate it…LOL.
And it didn’t take long before this man, and I use that term loosely, was kind enough to prove me right not just once but 18 times!
His incessant one liner comments did all my work for me.
Thanks Tim 
What’s more disturbing is this is not the only abusive situation that myself and others Fil-West community are aware of.
Over the past year or so there have been several instances of men, once again I use that term loosely, that meet a Filipina and abuse her either mentally or physically. Many times both.
Some men are even bold enough to abuse these women while he is still in the Philippines.
It’s heartbreaking because all they really want is a good husband and a good life and they remain silent about the abuse in hopes of things getting better.
After reading this mans blog over and over I had to write more than just what I thought about this “mad hatter” as he chose to call himself. I decided to write something that can help the Filipinas recognize others just like him.
I do this in hopes of seeing more great Fil-Am / Fil-West relationships and less victims in the years to come.
How do you spot a potentially abusive man? And what do you do if you meet an abusive man.
I found a couple of list of the characteristics of a paranoid man as well as an abusive man. I believe these two characteristics go hand in hand.
Read them and come to your own conclusions but whatever you do…do read this carefully and do take notes.
- Paranoia is particular type of delusion in which the sufferer believes that he or she is being persecuted or watched by others who intend harm. It manifests by a generalized distrust or suspicion of others.
- Paranoia may be a symptom of a possible underlying severe mental disorder, such as schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder. On the other hand, paranoid behavior is sometimes within the realm of normal human behavior.
- If there is no psychosis, but the paranoia interferes with the person’s life, it might be best described as Paranoid Personality Disorder, which is diagnosed by the presence of at least four of the following symptoms:
- suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her.
- is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates
- is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her
- reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events.
- persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights.
- perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack.
- has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.
Does this sound like anyone I’ve written about recently?
Eleven Common Characteristics of Abusers
- He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.
- He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
- Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.
- His sense of masculinity depends on the woman’s dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.
- Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.
- He has low self-esteem.
- He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents’ marriage was, or its opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.
- He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn’t nag him so much. He wouldn’t get angry if only she would do what she’s supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there’s nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn’t have any problems if she only turned to him.
- He may be described as having a dual personality — he is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.
- A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con man.
- The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn’t relate to his partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he’s angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other — often his mother.
Ladies these characteristics, from what I’ve seen and heard, are common in men searching the Filipina dating sites.
If you meet a man who seems jealous start paying attention. If he get’s angry if you mention another man. If he seems major suspicious about anything you do.
let him go!
There’s plenty of other guys out there that can, will, and want to be a great husband to a great woman.
Remember abusive men can be charming, too charming, so when you see even the one of these signs you need to get away from him ASAP.
So what do you do if he’s already in the Philippines visiting you. This answer is easy… tell your parents he’s abusive…tell your friends he’s abusive…and tell the police if your in public and you feel that you’re in danger.
Then tell him that it’s not working out. Be sure to tell him this in public with family or other supportive friends with you.
Once you’ve said your peace leave right away.
I realize some could perceive this as being embarrassing but wouldn’t it be more embarrassing or even shameful for your family, friends, and neighbors to learn that you made a bad choice and your stuck overseas because of it?
Alone!?
Remember people like this don’t belong in the Philippines. Do yourself and other Filipinas a favor and handle it properly.
Say goodbye ASAP ( as soon as possible ) you’ll get over it!
I Promise
Related Articles:
- Internet Dating Tips for Filipinas
- Internet dating tips for Filipinas part 2
- 10 really simple clues that he’s the wrong man for you.
- A Filipina Humiliated: A story of sex,deception, and abuse
- Internet Dating Tips for Filipinas
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